...I would get a serious case of the willies if I found out that I'd received money from a guy who's now a pleaded-guilty lobbyist for fraud, corruption and tax evasion. Giving the money he gave ME to a charity is the least I would do.

First, I'd publicly apologize to my entire nation that I had associated with such scumbags. Secondly, I'd publicly resign (see? I knew there was a way to get me out of office!) for malfeasance or misfeasance or just being a big public jerk about fund-raising and campaigning. And I'd ask every member of Congress to join me so the entire country could start from scratch with real people sitting in those seats in the House and Senate.

Adn this time, NO lawyers are allowed to run for public office. Or self-made millionaires. Or Ross Perot. Only public school teachers. And social workers. And people who believe in energy independence and new ideas. And a few astrologers, just to throw sh** in the game and keep things interesting. And some artists, becuase they always have interesting ideas. And at least 15 people who lost their homes/jobs/pets to hurricane Katrina this year and another 15 who either served in Iraq in the military or lost family members there, because you know they've got to have hearts of gold...and still be a little p-o'd about what happened...and still isn't happening.

And some truck drivers and people who work in nursing homes and child-care centers, and a doctor who works in a public health clinic somewhere. Because we really need to fix the energy crisis and the health-care crisis and bring our soldiers home from Iraq.

And THAT, my friend, is just the start.

The new government slogan: "We tolerate everybody. We're anti-war. And we abhor liars."