....I would insist that all new occupants after Jan. 20, 2009, are able to move into a clean, new environment. Here's the plan:

1. The current occupants of 1600 P, before they move out, should be thoroughly exorcised of the horrible, awful, nasty, brain-sucking, emotion-deadening, truth-twisting, morality-shirking, stupid-inducing spirits and ghosts that have invaded and taken over their bodies for the last 8 years. Yeah, Cheney, that means you and everyone in your %$#$%#@% underground bunker, too.

2. In the span of time between the move-out of the "old" occupants and the move-in of the Obama family, the entire White House complex should undergo a thorough de-lousing, spring cleaning, wall washing, pipe-flushing, and full-ventilation air exchange. Yes, the entire building should undergo the equivalent of a Lysol douche. Fresh starts, bottom to top.

3. Hippies everywhere -- the ones who still wear peasant skirts and beaded flowers in their hair and wave those swirly wand things through the air and wear energy-focusing metal-crystal triangles on their heads (you KNOW who you are) -- should converge in D.C. and just go wild in the streets, spreading their good vibes everywhere.

And I hope the Obama girls get their puppy.